很爱很爱你

wanted to do something for you, something to make you happier,
so that my name will be buried in your heart,
i begged time for help, when you are not aware of it,
quietly nurture the seed in your heart.

i think she really is better and suits you more,
i was not caring, not elegant and not matured enough,
if i go back to becoming a good friend,
you wont be so awkward anymore.

love you to the extend that i am willing to let you go,
to a place where you will get more happiness,
love you to the extend that when you are in love,
i will then feel secured.

what a beautiful picture seeing her walking to you,
i tear because i am happy,
it's not easy for two right person to be in love,
i still feel grateful even i am not your lover.

love you to the extend that i will not hold on to you going
to a place where you will get more happiness,
love you to the extend that when you are in love,
i will then feel secured.

喜欢你的时候。。

喜欢你手指淡淡烟草香。。
喜欢你睡觉的样子。。
喜欢你微笑的时候。。
喜欢你听话的时候。。
喜欢你自恋的时候。。
喜欢你顽皮的时候。。
喜欢你撒娇的时候。。
喜欢你傻傻的时候。。
喜欢你笨笨的时候。。
喜欢你说我笨的时候。。
喜欢你让我任性的时候。。
喜欢你牵我的手的时候。。
喜欢你牵我手时总是收在背后的时候。。
喜欢你驾车时总是牵着我的手的时候。。
喜欢你看着我睡觉的时候。。
喜欢你让我躺在你的胸膛的时候。。
喜欢你抱着我的时候。。
喜欢你拨我的头发的时候。。
喜欢你在我睡觉时，在我耳边告诉我你的想法的时候。。
喜欢你吻我的时候。。
喜欢你走进我的人生的时候。。
喜欢你爱我的时候。。

原来我不寂寞

今日的醉，让我有回幸福的感觉。谢谢你的肩膀，谢谢你的安抚。让时间替未来铺路。

躺在你的肩膀，你的手不时拨着我的头发，让我有回幸福的感觉。闻着你的体香，让我回想起过去。我真的很想感谢你，愿意陪我度过这一夜。同时也让我明白，其实前面的路并不暗。

不懂将来会是如何，我不敢给你任何希望，不想伤害你。因为现在的我要学习独立，要学会更成熟。过去的让它过去吧，我已经在慢慢放下了。一切就顺其自然，前面的路就让时间替我们做主吧！

Chunky Fried Rice

Since I am back in KL,then I shall enjoy myself to the most. Today my parents and siblings went to a mega warehouse book sale. They wont be home till I don't know when. Decided to cook myself a nice breakfast. There hasn't much ingredients in the kitchen but enough for me to fried me-self a nice free-style fried rice. And I'll share the steps here. Off we go!! Woot!! (Derek, 2009)

Ingredients :

• 2 cloves of garlic
• half a stick of carrot
• 1 egg
• 2 slices of luncheon meat
• a bowl of cold rice
• 3 spoonful of sunflower oil
• salt (but I prefer soy sauce)
• pepper
• spring onion (to garnish)

Steps :

1) Cut carrot and luncheon meat into cubes and dice garlic. Set aside.

2) Heat wok/pan then add a spoonful of oil. Fry carrot cubes following with luncheon meat cubes till brown.

3) Remove the cubes from pan and set aside. Add oil and saute garlic then add in the cubes following with cold rice.

4) Stir in everything together and sprinkle a pinch of salt and pepper, amount is up to personal taste.

5) Stir everything well, then dig a hole and add in oil to fry egg. Slightly beat egg with soy sauce then pour into the hole. =)

6) Mix everything and get ready to serve. Garnish the rice with spring onion and off we go to the dining table.

Tips :

• Try substitute garlic with ginger,it's a totally awesome combination.
• If preparing one or two portions, try using soy sauce instead of salt. For bigger portions, use both salt and soy sauce.
• If rice is too dry, pour little water after step 4. But stir fast because rice will then become soft. If heated too long, it will turn sticky.
• My attempt this time is a bit crunchy because have to snap some pix. And I can"t find my fav spring onion. Sob Sob. T.T

"HCUM OS UOY SESSIM"

Friday is public holiday and mom said since it's a "long weekend" should go back. Didn't plan to go back KL this weekend, because I'm not in the best form. And I've been throwing up a lot after dinner. As for the previous time, I'll keep myself away from food, but this time I've been craving for food a lot. This will turn very bad especially when I am back in KL. However what have I to say to my parents that I have no wishes to go back for the weekend.

In two hours time, I'll be heading back to KL. And the weather in Kampar now is very "pretty". The clouds are colored by grey crayons, the trees and flowers are dancing on the pedestrian path. The winds sounded like an old folk playing with his flute. Rain drops falling as if ballerinas performing on stage. Along with these you can hear tigers and lions roaring. Looked outside from the window you can see people rushing back homes with umbrellas, newspapers, and hands on top of their head. Putting everything together, it felt so nice to lie on the bed, close up your eyes and keep your mind empty. Today's rain sounded surprisingly soft and calming.

The clock seems to be ticking very fast and the atmosphere in 1335/B1 is not getting any better. Luggage hasn't been packed, and the human staying inside is still blogging and "moodying". Everything seems so cold to her. However, her mind is filled with memories. Her eyes are filled with liquid. And her body is sitting up in front of her lappy, hands are dancing on the keyboard. Her mood has been the same with yesterday. There hasn't been any idea why memories kept flashing back and why tears kept running down. She dared not turn on any musics because it will only make assist the water drops flood the eyes.

Till here, she has no idea how to continue this post already because her mind is going blank gradually. She really have to start packing for KL. It's 5.04pm now, cab will be arriving at 6pm sharp. And she still needs to take a shower.

P/S : If you so happened to read this post >> Have you figured out what is "HCUM UOY OS SESSIM"?? =)

YOU

This is a post specially dedicated for YOU, who was once me beloved partner. You are someone who was once special to me, someone who once brighten up my life. Here are something that I wanted to let you know, because I am not brave enough to tell you in person.

You might not realize what you have said, but it was enough to cheer me up for the rest of the day.

You might not realize what you have done, but it was enough to make boost up my energy to work the day out.

You might not realize what facial expression you have shown on your face, but it was enough to put a smile on mine.

At the same time,

You might not realize how your words may hurt my feelings, but I still love you.

You might not realize how your actions made me uncomfortable, yet I love you so.

You might not realize how my day was ruined by your actions and words, however love never stops.


There may be lots of fighting,

There may be lots of quarrels,

There may be lots of disappointments,

There may be lots of lies,

Yet,

There were still JOYS,

There were still LAUGHTERS,

There were still EXCITEMENTS,

They have given us tears and happiness,

And most importantly,

LOVE.

Thank you for all the love you have given me all these times, they were the best time I had throughout the year. I will not know what is going to happened in the future, but all these memories will be treasured and will not be erased.

We are both grown up. We should understand and be clear of what we are doing. Therefore I have no regrets on the path I’ve chosen. And I hope you felt the same too.

"There goes a time when we stop loving someone, not because that we have stopped loving them. But we have found out that, they'd be happier if we let go." ( modified from Soon, 2009)

"Loving someone that doesn't love you is painful, but loving someone that doesn't trust you is the even painful ; loving someone that you can't trust is most painful." (modified from Soon,2009)

Christabel Chi

A Fresh Start

So, here I am back in Kampar continuing my life after a three weeks rest. Didn't really had a great holiday as was presured by the fear of my result. Was actually relieved when HaHaHa told me my result (as the line was jam, most people were unable to log into UTAR portal and somehow he managed to. swt). It was an acceptable result to me although I can do better if worked even harder. But was glad that I didn't failed any subjects esp TCP. *pheww* And so I have decided if this semester I don't achieve what I aimed for, I'll quit studying and get a job.


Well, holiday wasn't good but food was totally awesome back in KL. Mom boiled soup almost everyday, coz I asked for. *thanks mommy, muackxx* And I managed to learn up playing "Canon in D". But no the whole song, I think coz my fingers joints are not as flexible so it took quite some time to memorised the keys. One more thing is that I get to drive EVERYDAY!! One more one more, I was spontaneously at sg. wang on the moon cake fest that day, saw JJ Lin-- he's cute!!


Okay, that was the 3weeks spent in KL. Back in Kampar, things will be better, and so far so good in studies. Was sososo glad that day when I opened the door into tutorial. Saw an unfamiliar figure who will be my tutor for this semester. *pheww pheww pheww* I've been paying attention in lectures and tutorials, there were still 'kaypoh' sessions like every few minutes though.


Today, Raggy invited the whole course to an open house party at hers tomorrow night. And she told me to bring some sweets as it's a tradition to bring something to an open house. So we (the dance group) decided to buy a few packets there. I came up with an idea to bake a cake. Went tesco, ingredients bought. I tested the recipe by baking in cupcake size. A big success to me this attempt as due to previous experiences. Hopefully tomorrow the cake will turn out to be a CAKE pretty and properly. *fingers crossed* Can't wait to see the cute guy tomorrow~~ *melted*


That's all for this post. It's 2am now, sorry for the unorganized sequence of the words.
Good NightzZz

beL beL

Official Ending of Sem 2

Last semester we ended with steamboat at Wan Jie's house. This semester, we again ended up with steamboat too, also to celebrate Wan Jie's birthday and Andrew's. But this time was more special. :)

Within 24hours:



We had steamboat + bbq for dinner at a restaurant near tesco. Some i-said-so thing eventually happened, which was an self-invited guest practically turn up hoping to ruin the party, or at least someone's mood. Haha. Later, me and Moon went Shu Fen's house for gaming. Left around 2am. Went home to pack my stuff, bath then go to bed. Just when I was almost finished with packing, Moon sms-ed me ask whether wanna have beer. Thought she was emo-ing so agreed and went to her house.



Beer wasn't there yet. She had someone to deliver. :p Wen Jye was the delivery boy. Haha. And along with hin was Kean Tat. He said he found Kean Tat wondering around on the way back, so 'picked' him back for Moon who was "thirsty". Lolx. We had beer by the road side. Were wondering whether to call mr.beh, then thought he wasn't in the best mood so didn't. But later around 4am, saw beh beh came out to fetch water. Joined us but no beer for the late comer. opps. As were chatting chatting chatting, (forgotten what we were talking about already) Kean Tat suggested to go Ipoh breakfast --DimSum.



20minutes later, we all hopped into the car, headed Ipoh, Fu San for breakfast. It was drizzling in Kampar when we left but not in Ipoh. Before going to Kean Tat's house for the car changing and cashing, paid a visit around Moon's house for no reason. Waited in front of Kean Tat's house for 15minutes waiting for his mom to wake up. His mom was cute when both of them were on the phone. (Someone didn't bring house key, had to phone to open the door. Lolx.) Car changed and cashed, headed "yum zhou cha" (drink early tea). There wasn't many people when we reached, but the crowd grew as we were eating. Left Fu San around 8am i guess. One thing weird was, their "char siu pao" is not the typical DimSum type. It's bigger in size and you order how many you want. They are not the "3 in 1 basket".


When reached home, managed to take a short nap before heading back to KL. So that was pretty much how we ended our semester 2. Can't wait to get backk to Kampar in 3 weeks time. =)

Tired With Lies

Things have been so different these days. Many things changed. Thought was glad with all these changes, but untill a while before writing this post, just realised how stupid it was to have all these so called "good changes" thoughts. Happy that all the new explored information was found after a conversation with a friend. The conversation changed the way that things should be view. And another really special friend that should be thanked too. This friend spared his ears for the most needed one (although he started to feel annoyed supposed, sorry and thanks).


So, these all started when an urge inside decided to do something that is practically against the law. It's a bit similar to reading someone else's dairy. Know it's wrong doing it, but couldn't resist the ID not to do it. Knowing that it's will also cause tears, yet still continued. Sometimes human being is just so overtaken by the "ID". And so the reading continues but the guilt is haunting. Somehow it was weird because there were lots of words and it was impossible to go through all. However the "essense" of almost everything (if nothing was missed out) "popped up" as mouse rolled down. Did the God want the truth to be revealed? To tell stop being a stupid. Or maybe not.


Anyhow, glad with the new explored. Realised there were lots of lies lied beneath. The heart is pain, it's bleeding, it's broken into pieces, but it's not as pain. The only explaination that can be given is "How much more stupid and naive can one still go?". It hurts but not as pain, maybe it was already broken into pieces and it wont feel too much even if it's being stabbed a few more times. If the whole thing is meant to be this way, then just let it be. If being confronted makes no changes then accepting it will be the only way. The heart is numb now. It is tired with the lies and fed up with it. When lies kept on coming, doing anything more serve no good.


Bet it is really true that what we get at the end is not as important as what we've been through. The process of putting things together is the essense and the essential part of everything. So we should learn from the process, not just the result we get. We stand up from where we fall with no fear and aiming for a better one. That's what and how life should be.


Decision has been made long time ago, but there wasn't enough courage to spill it out. Waiting for the bottom line to be touched and the fire will be lighted. There goes the end of the story. No more lies and distrust.

So, yesterday just right before I go to bath, I've decided to move my closet to another setting. And that when everything started. Started moving closet, then bed, last my desk. It took roughly two and a half hours to move, sweep and mop my room. And there I realised that my room is actually quite spacious. Glad I did the re-arranging. Of course the cleaning made me feels good.

Somehow, when I have a very bad mood, I tend to do cleanings. That's good and I kinda like it that way. It's so much better than throwing things or sitting there doing nothing or shopping to release the anger in you. In KL, when having this bad mood thingy, I actually wash toilet. My dad said it's good for me. LOL. Maybe to clean the whole house is just impossible. Haha. Now in Kampar, I have to clean up the whole room. It's not that really big actually, yet I still need fifteen minutes to half an hour to actually sweep my room. *sigh*. Haha.

My Laundry's Number Tag. Just feel like collecting. Hehe

Auf Wiedersehen und Bis Dann

终于明白了

歌名：最近
歌手：李聖傑
專輯：關於妳的歌
作詞：譚志華　作曲：譚志華

你最近不說話　怎麼了　為什麼
是不是有什麼事讓你不快樂

聽說你最近很孤單　有點亂　有點慌
可是我卻不能夠在你的身旁

你想要的　我卻不能給你我全部
我能給的卻又不是你想要擁有的
我們不適合也不想認輸
好幾次我們抱著彼此都是想要哭
你常解釋這樣的一切都只是開始
我覺得是所有的一切早就已結束
不想再約束不要再痛苦
下一次會有更好的情路

你最近不說話　怎麼了　為什麼
是不是有什麼事讓你不快樂

聽說你最近很孤單　有點亂　有點慌
可是我卻不能夠在你的身旁

你想要的　我卻不能給你我全部
我能給的卻又不是你想要擁有的
我們不適合也不想認輸
好幾次我們抱著彼此都是想要哭
你常解釋這樣的一切都只是開始
我覺得是所有的一切早就已結束
不想再約束不要再痛苦
下一次會有更好的情路

愛　我卻不能夠給你我全部
我能給的卻又不是你想要擁有的
我們不適合也不想認輸
好幾次我們抱著彼此都是想要哭
你常解釋這樣的一切都只是開始
我覺得是所有的一切早就已結束
不想再約束不要再痛苦
下一次會有更好的情路

這一次我們都能很幸福

I'm sick

Came down with fever, cough, soar throat, and blocked nose. Went to the doctor and confirmed that UTAR Kampar is NOT going to close down for a week. It's that sad, isn't it. LOL. Doctor said that I was only having the normal cold thingy.

Was so worried before I went to the doctor. Being diagnosed with H1N1 is so gonna kill me. All my family members were so worried, that made me even more worried. I didn't dare to cough in the car when my friend brought me to the doctor. Affraid the germs will spread. I should have brought mask back.

And when I took my medication, I realised that all the med were written in B.M. WTH. I saw the doctor writting in English and why were them written in B.M then. Just can't stand it. And I have to check the dictionary (because I didn't really remember what the nurse had explained) for the word "kumur" which turned out to be med for mouth washing.

AND AND AND that clinic was damn expensive!! They changed me RM38 for the meds and the 5mins consultation. That's ridiculous to me because if I were to see my family doctor in KL, it would only be RM28. And I don't have to take cough syrup. I'll be given tablets. Anyway, can't complain much cz I needed a doctor. *sighh*


beL beL

Stepping Out

It just hit all in a sudden. It felt terribly worse. Feeling like the history is repeating again. Going through this thing all over again is so heart breaking. My weak little heart was torn into pieces. This little thing in me is now so safe guarded. I have to do so, to prevent the same old thing happens again and again. I really can't bear another hit of wave in any time soon. It needs time to heal before the next hit. It was starting to get better right after the first hit, and just right then, there goes the second hit. I think I just don't deserve any decent little "gifts", at least for the moment.


First of all, you deserved an apology. I am sorry for all unpleasant moments that I've given to you. I really just hope everything could just stopped and get back to how they used to be. And you deserved it so much. I've been so pushy in my life. Can't figure out why. Or let's just put it that I've not try hard enough to sort things out. Maybe I'm just a selfish jerk. I think too much for myself and I've just overlook what I might have caused to others. That sound like a perfect bitch and here I am.


Just hate it when things turn out this way. And somehow I'll become very very freaked out. Then, I'll be doing all the stupid things that I've ever done. When memories recall, "I don't know what I was doing" tends to be the excuse for everything. That's not good but what else can be said? No one likes going through this kind of situations, we all know it very well. But why do we still make it happen over and over again. It just sounds so stupid.


I don't know what I shall do next, because I now in the middle of nowhere. I guess I'll just have to find the way getting back into track. But it isn't anything easy to achieve. Especially when this is something that I prioritised. I've been having swollen eyes for the whole day *we know why*. That's just not gonna work I know. But there was nothing else I was capable in doing at this moment. It was a sudden hit. And thanks to you *another "you"* for being a friend when I really need one. Study must come first, I know it well enough. But when I see what's going on out there, it just hurts so bad. It's unfair, to all parties. Things just shouldn't be this way. Maybe everything started too soon, or maybe we are just immature enough in handling the situation. That's why we all always have to learn from mistakes.


At this very moment, all I'd wanted is you to be happy no matter what happened. And I'm pretty sure you are. One thing that I want you to remember is that I'll always be there no matter what and * **** ***.


**So sorry that this post is so unorganised. Just threw out anything that came across my mind.

Reminded

Went online straight away as I reach home from campus. I was scrolling down to find the facebook site when I saw an address that I’ve never came across before. Was wondering what site is that. It was a blog site that belongs to my cousin aunty.



As I browse through, my attention was cought by the chinese writings,

"阿姨曾经说过，来不及等到我回来，是您没福气。

其实，没福气的应该是我。

我们终究缘铿一面。遗憾啊。"

Tears came running down my cheek as I instantly read the whole blog. My heart sores badly. Memories flashes through my mind. And I realised that none of us have forgotten the past. Not a bit.

Lost

I am very lost. I am so lost. I am just lost. I am lost.



I am lost, in all ways... I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what am I doing. Let alone what to do and how to do. I no longer have the ability to rationalised my own behavior. I can only say that I'm suffering from some sort of disability, I supposed.



Things have changed recently. My life has changed too. There is an existance of an additional element in my life. This element has turned my life upside down. I no longer know how to handle my mind. What I am trying to say is that the centre of my thought is now concentrating on this element. I am losing my abilities and am unable to put things in the way it should be. This has to be changed. If I keep on behaving this way, I am going to ruin my life in just a snap of fingers. Therefore I'm suffering. And that leads me to a unstable state.



In the other hand...



I have not been treating people around me fairly. I've put aside many things. And it's not good for me to do that. It's unfair to those who cares for me. Especially my family. I am well aware with the consequences of my current behavior, yet I put no efforts to make any changes. My instinct, senses, nerves are not listening to my mind. I have gotta do something before it's too late. Dammit!!



I'm in an unstable and unsure state. I felt unsecured. Or maybe it's better to say that I've never felt secured.

I'm

I'm searching for my mood to blog.

I'm searching for my motivations to blog.

I'm searching for my stories to blog.

I'm searching for my lines to blog.

I'm searching for my words to blog.

I'm searching for..........

对不起

。。。。。。



不知该从何说起，只想跟你们两个好姐妹说声对不起。。


都是我不好。。因为自己的愚蠢和固执。。把事情搞到如此地步，差点反目成仇。。其实我真的真的不想让事情变成这样的。。但很多事情发生到太突然了。。就连我自己都无法承受。。当时的我已经顾不了身边关心我的人他们的感受了。。因为我真的很累，很痛，很伤。。


你们因该都知道如果我可以解释的我会毫不犹豫的告诉你们。。但有些事情我不想说如果逼我，事情只会越来越糟。。我真的不想把事情越搞越糟，所以我选择了对你们沉默不言。。希望你们可以理解我。。和原谅我。。


对过去的我已经不想也不要再多作任何解释了。。我会明白和尊重你们做的所有决定。。因为我清楚明白你们也很辛苦，也很累。。 对不起。。

friends come and go in our lives

but a few find places so deep in our hearts

that we know they will always be in our heart

beL

The End

There is nothing else that I can do since I've decided to let go. I know it very well deep in my heart. I need to face the reality. I have pushed myself to face the reality. I've put myself in the state to witness the truth with my bare eyes. Witnessing the truth was not easy at all. Yes, it almost killed me. But I managed to stand up again after the fall, with all the help from people around me. I would like to thank them here. I'd never thought I would received all these supports.

Here, I am awaken and given the guts to write it down. Even though I wanted to be sport and act like it was not affecting me. *yes, you've won this round.* However, I am a creation of nature that has all senses and nerves functioning damn well. I feel the pain. It really hurts. There ain't any reason for me to hide my feelings. I've cried over and over again every time I recall these painful memories. As the memories were wonderful as it were, the more pain I could feel. Let alone seeing the reality with my bare eyes.

I have realised that the cause of my pain don't not see the pain I suffered. That alone is another wound to me. Once again I felt like a fool. Shall I put it this way, the function of a knife is to cut or to slice things apart. Hence, it will not feel anything. It may sound harsh, but I'm not trying to be a bitch here. I am writing all these down and publishing them because I want to be fair to someone who deserved to know. And I would like to caution everyone that sometimes certain words and expressions and actions will be taken and interpreted in a serious manner. Even though it was said or done with the playing motive, but different people have different percertions and ways of interpretation. Things can get very bad when it is wrongly taken in.

All things shall end here. We have to move on and live our life. There shan't be any thing dragging or holding our life progress. For what had happened, we can't change any bit of it. But for what will be in future, it's all in up to us to make a different out of it. I am letting go everything. All I hope is to "preserve" all memories before they are rotten. I really don't want to make things worse. Let what is it be and move on.

"The time that we really grow is when we are uncomfortable."

This is a line that I received via sms from an anonymous insurances agent. I find it really touching as it came at the right time. Every time after I cried, I felt bit of relief. And I am able to perform slightly better than before. I grew.

beL

Please Hold Me

When therefore it shall happen,

as happen it will.

that you or I have dissapointed the expectation of the other,

you are not suppose that you have lost me

or that I intended to lose you;

nothing will remain

but to repair the fault,

and to go on as if it had never been commited.

Samuel Johnson,

essayist, 1709-1784

Concentration

I can't concentrate.

Woke up at 8.17am. Sat in front of my laptop. Played 海鸣威-feat 泳儿 我的回忆不是我的。Washed myself up and had my breakfast. Turned off my laptop so that I can pay all my attentions on my study. Took my notes, started staring at them. Managed to read two slides. Realised my drawer is very messy. Tidy my whole desk. Went back studying. Two more slides I've managed to read. Can't go on. Decided to write it down.

I can't concentrate.

My mind kept thinking of some other things. I thought I can put them down, at least for the time being. But it turned out that I can't. Knowing that the date is getting closer is killing me. I don't have the ability to prioritised. I know if I keep on acting this way I'm going to screw myself, my own destiny and future. I am struggling. I think I need pills.

beL

3 posts

1. It has been quite some times since I last blogged. I’d enjoyed blogging but supposed I’d enjoyed being lazy more.

I’ve been reading many people’s blog lately. There are some posts that I like it a lot. I really admire some bloggers as they are so brave to express their feelings and the way they expressed. I wanted to do so too, but due to some technical barriers and my own stubbornness and stupidity, I’ve ‘prevented’ myself from blogging. However, due to some recent happenings, I’ve decided to start my new blog site.

I now not only view blogging as a way to express my feelings and sharing but also to grow up and become more matured. I want to be independent and enjoy my life to the fullest. I want to have what everyone has and also what they don’t have. I am not trying to be greedy here, but aiming high!

2. It’s been three whole months since I’ve stepped into my university life. I really enjoyed the freedom that I have, being as an individual. What I am trying to say here is, I’ve been living under my parents’ protection for so long and having to live alone in Kampar is a life transition for me. I’ve always admire those who can leave home for their study or work. Having the all-full-100% freedom is something I don’t have since birth, in addition that I stayed in KL (due to low & insecure security level) with my very strict parents. But I understand that all they did are for my own good, so I am not a rebellious child,*proud*.

Ok, back to my point. Living alone in Kampar is really an experience that I will treasure. It’s totally different with college life. I realized that I’ve used a different strategy to live and interact with people. I was once a girl who is very extreme, I either get very pissed or I remained silence. I am trying my best to be different from who I was. I am saying this out loud because I don’t like the old me and I am in the changing process. I want to be a positive and “people-see-people-like” person. Having all those negative energy in me is making me no good.


3. Since I moved to Kampar, there were some positive changes in my body. I was maintaining quite well too. But due to the recent unstable emotional changes leading to my imbalance diet, my body is obviously not functioning as usual. I’m not sure whether I need to see a doctor.

This reminds me of a friend, a guy, whom surprised me when we talked over the phone once. I have no idea how did we linked to this topic.

“your period is on time or not?”
“don’t know le, I forgotten the dates already.”
“you want me to bring you to a gynae or not?”

This is the first time I’ve heard a GUY saying this topic in a serious manner (I’m pretty sure about it from his tone). I have never heard guys saying this to female friends. The most I’ve heard are guys making fun of girls on this topic. Plus, he is that cool-macho type. Thumbs up for this gentleman. It’s not easy for guys to seriously talk about things like that.

Well, I would say this is due to our culture. For me, I am able to accept conversation like this, feeling a very tiny little bit of awkward though. Still, I think it’s acceptable. But somehow for the society, it’s not easy to talk over stuff like that. We should actually change this kind of thinking and perceptions to a more open-minded society. Define open-minded.

sorry to start with such long post. hope you'd enjoyed it.

Stop here. Have a nice day.

beL