Stepping Out

It just hit all in a sudden. It felt terribly worse. Feeling like the history is repeating again. Going through this thing all over again is so heart breaking. My weak little heart was torn into pieces. This little thing in me is now so safe guarded. I have to do so, to prevent the same old thing happens again and again. I really can't bear another hit of wave in any time soon. It needs time to heal before the next hit. It was starting to get better right after the first hit, and just right then, there goes the second hit. I think I just don't deserve any decent little "gifts", at least for the moment.


First of all, you deserved an apology. I am sorry for all unpleasant moments that I've given to you. I really just hope everything could just stopped and get back to how they used to be. And you deserved it so much. I've been so pushy in my life. Can't figure out why. Or let's just put it that I've not try hard enough to sort things out. Maybe I'm just a selfish jerk. I think too much for myself and I've just overlook what I might have caused to others. That sound like a perfect bitch and here I am.


Just hate it when things turn out this way. And somehow I'll become very very freaked out. Then, I'll be doing all the stupid things that I've ever done. When memories recall, "I don't know what I was doing" tends to be the excuse for everything. That's not good but what else can be said? No one likes going through this kind of situations, we all know it very well. But why do we still make it happen over and over again. It just sounds so stupid.


I don't know what I shall do next, because I now in the middle of nowhere. I guess I'll just have to find the way getting back into track. But it isn't anything easy to achieve. Especially when this is something that I prioritised. I've been having swollen eyes for the whole day *we know why*. That's just not gonna work I know. But there was nothing else I was capable in doing at this moment. It was a sudden hit. And thanks to you *another "you"* for being a friend when I really need one. Study must come first, I know it well enough. But when I see what's going on out there, it just hurts so bad. It's unfair, to all parties. Things just shouldn't be this way. Maybe everything started too soon, or maybe we are just immature enough in handling the situation. That's why we all always have to learn from mistakes.


At this very moment, all I'd wanted is you to be happy no matter what happened. And I'm pretty sure you are. One thing that I want you to remember is that I'll always be there no matter what and * **** ***.


**So sorry that this post is so unorganised. Just threw out anything that came across my mind.