Over Reacted?

Regarding to last night's event, I kept asking myself if I have over reacted.

I have no idea. I have been thinking about it for the whole day.
Did I try to convince myself that I did the right thing or what?
He really did crossed my line, so much so that I really couldn't tolerate anymore.
I accidentally(really no intention, my fingers were used to the send button after full stop) sent him a harsh text.
What is done can't be reversed, so that is it, my words, my stand.

Today, I left home early to go get back the ring from him.
Later only I realized...... I didn't know the way to his place.
Failed, so failed. There was nothing I can do, I stayed home.
My mind was a mess, I couldn't do anything.

My elephant shouted (ringtone). It was him. (I kinda expected, but it's not what I want)
He said he didn't wear it anymore during his outing with them.
He didn't apologized, only asking me not to get angry anymore.
No idea if this is just him, forgetful and careless with the happening.

If you really know me, you will know what I am feeling right now.
I started to doubt myself, should I just drop this event.
Arghh! I really don't know what can I do now.
This is the last thing I wanted.

Bottom Line

I am pissed. Very pissed and upset.

I am not who I was 5years ago, I am not who I was 1year ago.
You may not realized any difference, but that doesn't mean things remained.

A few week ago, I went to an outing with a friend, a he.
He spotted my ring on my index finger. He like it and wanted to lent for awhile.
I didn't know how to say no because I wanted to keep the background of the ring to myself.
So he took the ring with one condition, not to wear it whenever he is meeting our mutual friends.
But lately, he started to go over the line. He tried to talked me that it doesn't matter even they see it.
I warned and beg him not to do it, but as we are at two different places apart, I couldn't know if he did it or not. However he was honest enough to tell me he didn't bothered to take it off.
Today, he told me he was going for a drink with our mutual friends, and wants to show off the ring. I told him that was enough, and I am pissed. He no longer give a damn, replying me there is no use if I was angry, and whatever it is he is not going to take it off until he gets bored with it.

That's it, I have had enough. All these while I tried to tolerate very much with everyone I get along. I know I am not the best person to get alone with so I tried very hard to not react on everything. This time, he has really crossed my bottom line. If you don't know how to respect me, there is no reason for me to tolerate and respect.

I've had enough. If this is how this friendship will be, then I am more than happy to let it stay in the trash. Tomorrow, I will look for him and get the ring back withot looking back. And that's it.

七夕

Today, is Chinese Valentines Day.
I've written down the story about this day in my previous posting.
http://chris-t-abel.blogspot.com/2011/08/happy-chinese-valentines.html

Last year, I was single on this day.
This year, I am still single on this day.
I've pictured my working life to be very colorful.
Happy-hours, clubbing, once in a blue moon getaway trips and all those stuff.
And getting to meet different people from my work place.
Isn't this the best way to get myself a partner?
But why am I still alone?
*Sob Sob*

It's Valentines day, I hope someone will ask me out for dinner!
I wish everyone is happy out there with their partners and friends!

p/s: msh, are you celebrating 七夕with anyone?

Tschüss!

Random Random

It's so late now and I am blogging.
As USUAL, I am longing to blog but they are all sitting in draft section.

My days have been so dull.
Not trying to complain, just that's the only right word to describe.

I am trying to pick up my foreign language lately.
Partly because I've discovered a super cool website.
Second, I want to be able to speak when I travel to Europe.
I heard Europeans don't really speak English, is it?
Well, all the best to me!

I am making plans on work and I got lost.
Hated decision making, it scares the hell outta me.
I wish I can get out from this dilemma asap.

Next month is my cousin brother's wedding.
I am not going because it's too far away.
And I am too shy to walk into public. *shy*
But I am dying for a weekend away.
I hope my Cameron trip will come true.

I am reading novels again, Love stories.
A friend told me that reading novel requires Imagination.
I think that's the best part of reading a novel.
I then realized, I can't finish a non-fiction even it's a 30pages thin book.
Am I not very philosophical or realistic?
So does that makes me Bel in the wonderland?

Coo-koo, coo-koo, time to sleep!
I hated coo-koo bird because of this Singapore educational broadcast.
But I love this song very much, my childhood song, I can still remember it's lyric.
So outta topic all of a sudden. XD

Auf Wiedersehen!

Me in My Wonderland

Do not let one occasion judge a person.

A bad attitude is like a flat tyre, you ain't going anywhere till you change it.

The reality is cruel, I knew it since... I have no idea when.
How cruel can things be? Have I been lucky all these while or I was in dreamland?
I thought I knew many, (definitely not all!) but turned out that 'many' was just what, like 0.0001% of the world? Okay, maybe lesser than that. This is really cruel!

I really didn't know "Persona" sort of things until my final year in uni.
How pathetic have I been for goodness sake!
It's so complicated, like rocket science. I've only mastered a tiny bit of it till now.

I met a girl on work, who looks capable and sweet lately.
We had a somewhat good conversation on our first meeting together.
The second time, she impressed me when she spoke on the formal occasion.
I'd really like her.
I wrote her a thank you note on behalf of my company but no words came back.
Due to work, I wrote her a mail, but no words back too.
I didn't approach her for fun. Even though she is no longer in charge,shouldn't she acknowledge?

I don't want to comment, but it kept me wondering what's in her mind.
FYI, she is a marketing student. Did text book not teach her the importance of networking?
Or did she just looked down on my company because it is not a multi-million business?
Is she in the group who looked down Mr. Gates when he introduced Microsoft?

I am having a comfortable work since graduated.
I have not meet with "big-wind-big-wave" (failure) in yet.
Would it be a good idea to walk into to the cruel and mean corporate world to gain some life experience?
It doesn't sounds like any good idea, but it may be a good way for me to grow up and learn about life.
This is a part where I am struggling.
I wish there is someone that can really be trusted who could enlighten me.

With my little cousin~

~Best friends~

Smile~

I really miss you baby.

Till then.

I believe

Sometimes I wonder, why has my life been so "unfavorable".
It's because I believed that its unfavorable.

But come to think of it, my life isn't really that miserable after all.
In fact, it pretty decent and joyful.

I have a family that loves me unconditionally.
My granny, mum and dad, sisters and brother.
No matter what happens, they are my safety zone, the warmest and lovable space to breath.

I like having friends, but too bad I don't have much.
But sometimes, having one or two who will be with you is more than enough.
I am lucky to say I have 3 of them.
I might not be their best ones, but I know I can always go to them, and that's enough for me.

My work is not the best ever on earth.
Many complications, many uncertainties.
However, it's a path I've chosen and I must do the best out of it.

I started to believe in myself that I am the one who controls what comes to me, what goes away.
Things seemed unfavorable because I kept the bad ones in mind.
Good and happy moments were enjoyed and kept aside, sometimes forgotten, and waiting for new ones to come.
Isn't this selfish?
I should share more of my joyful moments with people and solve the bad ones.
Believing in self is actually something very hard, but once achieved, it's really beautiful. :)

Rainbow always light up ones mood unconditionally~

~The tragedy of life is not death but what we let die inside of us while we live -- Norman Cousins


Aal Izz Well

My NightMare

If given a chance to go back to the past, where would you go?

I've always wanted to restart from secondary school.

But now I don't. Because one year ago, I did something that was very bad.

Every time reminded with this past, my heart's filled with regrets and sorrow.

Where was my rational? Why did I take that step? Can I change it?

I was only glad that I'd stop it before it became worst.

But there are things that couldn't stop no matter how.

I've tried my very best to avoid, to recover, to learn, and to change.

But just when you thought the scar is fading, then a mosquito came and suck your blood right on top of it and it's swollen again.

It's all coming back to me, it's my sin.

I've not been sleeping well every time it shows up.

I had bad dreams, my back aches, my neck sores.

It gave me anxiety, because i don't know what will happen next.

I can only assume, predict and prevent.

It felt like being haunted.

What do you want? Please stop it.

I've learnt a very expensive lesson in life.

My decision making ability is weakened.

My fear has grown.

But I will fight with it!

Hope I can catch some good sleep tonight.

Aal Izz Well.