I believe

Sometimes I wonder, why has my life been so "unfavorable".
It's because I believed that its unfavorable.

But come to think of it, my life isn't really that miserable after all.
In fact, it pretty decent and joyful.

I have a family that loves me unconditionally.
My granny, mum and dad, sisters and brother.
No matter what happens, they are my safety zone, the warmest and lovable space to breath.

I like having friends, but too bad I don't have much.
But sometimes, having one or two who will be with you is more than enough.
I am lucky to say I have 3 of them.
I might not be their best ones, but I know I can always go to them, and that's enough for me.

My work is not the best ever on earth.
Many complications, many uncertainties.
However, it's a path I've chosen and I must do the best out of it.

I started to believe in myself that I am the one who controls what comes to me, what goes away.
Things seemed unfavorable because I kept the bad ones in mind.
Good and happy moments were enjoyed and kept aside, sometimes forgotten, and waiting for new ones to come.
Isn't this selfish?
I should share more of my joyful moments with people and solve the bad ones.
Believing in self is actually something very hard, but once achieved, it's really beautiful. :)

Rainbow always light up ones mood unconditionally~

~The tragedy of life is not death but what we let die inside of us while we live -- Norman Cousins


Aal Izz Well

My NightMare

If given a chance to go back to the past, where would you go?

I've always wanted to restart from secondary school.

But now I don't. Because one year ago, I did something that was very bad.

Every time reminded with this past, my heart's filled with regrets and sorrow.

Where was my rational? Why did I take that step? Can I change it?

I was only glad that I'd stop it before it became worst.

But there are things that couldn't stop no matter how.

I've tried my very best to avoid, to recover, to learn, and to change.

But just when you thought the scar is fading, then a mosquito came and suck your blood right on top of it and it's swollen again.

It's all coming back to me, it's my sin.

I've not been sleeping well every time it shows up.

I had bad dreams, my back aches, my neck sores.

It gave me anxiety, because i don't know what will happen next.

I can only assume, predict and prevent.

It felt like being haunted.

What do you want? Please stop it.

I've learnt a very expensive lesson in life.

My decision making ability is weakened.

My fear has grown.

But I will fight with it!

Hope I can catch some good sleep tonight.

Aal Izz Well.