My Life

迷失
人生走了快半辈子
像个迷途羔羊
颓废一事无成
指南针可以带路吗？

梦想
每个人都会有梦想
有的梦只能想
有的梦却能真
拳头里握的就是梦想
决定就在手里

害怕
害怕伤害
伤害别人伤害自己
以为站在原地就不会伤害
可却还是伤害了大家
如何是好呢？

依赖
每次变得懦弱
养成了依赖
不停的找
找身边的依靠
到最后却
坚强不起来了

逃避
最好的方案是什么？
一个人走一个人生活
不要背负不要牵挂
不要拖累不要爱戴
不是逃避，是离开
这可以吗？

勇气
很努力的去想要改变
但踏出第一步的勇气
那份勇气始终都拿不出来
像是一只乌龟
躲在壳里不敢出来

无解
问题出在哪里了
我问自己
为什么会这样
我答不了自己
该怎么办才好

最近实在太太太压力了！
原以为旅行回来things will be better，但是……
至少大家心情要愉快地啊……
真的，我快要疯了啦……
还哭了几天……
不想要这样子生活啦……

어떻게？
how?

Labuan Getaway

1.5 months ago, MAS was doing a promo. My sis knew dad wanted to visit his siblings, so she booked the whole family for a trip to Labuan, 4d3n. Everyone was excited by just imagining the seafood that we will be enjoying. Our family has a seafood business there by the way. #jumpingwithjoy

Did as much exercise as possible to fit all the calories and carbs that will be accomodating. XD
Tried hard to lose weight but seriously mom's cooking rocks. Sigh sigh sigh.

SO, basically the whole trip was about FOOD. We only had one meal with poultry, the rest were fish prawn squid and crabs. Can I get free supply to fish for my whole life? XD
Now let the pictures do the talking. Btw, not much pictures were taken, coz dad always discourages crazily-photo taking.

the meal was quite disappointing, except for the mars bar and spritzer

Since the whole family's travelling, we drove to KLIA and parked at its long term parking at the rate of RM44 per day @ minimum 4 days, then RM15 per subsequent day thereafter. Not a bad deal actually especially when the whole family is travelling. We drove a MPV, total travelling cost was approximately RM200.

We booked ourselve into Dorsett Labuan at a special rate because my cousin brother is a supplier to them. I've always been excited about staying into a hotel. When I was younger, I wished to blog about hotel stays and get sponsored for it. XD

half pool view reflecting the hotel lobby. # mirror effect

Fishes were unloaded (2nd pic, blue boat) right after arriving the port early in the morning. Eaters will then choose and que to pay, and that's how it is for everyday. 

this is the only food photo take in Labuan, because no one could resist waiting for another minute~

For dining, just walk down the street and look for Labuan Deep Sea Restaurant. It's my uncle's restaurant, they serve Malay cooking. Pick any fresh seafood and let them cook for you! See the prawn above? Grilled cheese tiger prawns, absolutely delicious! And the other prawn beside! And the fish! And the beef! Few more dishes were served then. Salivating~

Oh by the way, we had the best lobster salad ever. For some reason I didn't take any pic of it. Yiacks!!

Okay, lame I know. But dad has wanted to have badminton session with his brother. And uncle was kind enough to book us a court right after we landed. Headed to hotel, change and there, first activity in Labuan. I really enjoyed sweating! 

And swimming. 

My cousin sis owns a beauty house and hence while I visited her, I had a makeup crash course and facial session from her. So kind of her! She is such a caliber woman, having a great business all by her own. She is famous there for her service yo!

there she is, my pretty sis~

and my face swelling after facial

us cousins and niece&nephew

#greatfoodtoo #lookatthemessopps

mom&dad, 三伯&三伯娘

owh, mini size chivas

#souvenir for him

We didn't have much time to get those tax free chocs and alcohol. Bought them before heading dinner on our last night and was busy packing then. By the time we unpacked at home, some melted and hence we dumped everything into fridge, without pic. T___T

Since started baking, I started to consume sugar again. And result of having a chocolate loving family I started enjoying choc. So far, the only choc available locally and to my liking is Ferrero. And this Belgian choc was something me and my bro love when we were younger. Remember the seashell shape choc in box? It got banned or something years ago and so we stopped seeing each other until now. And I have to say, this is very nice! I wished I've bought more.

Well, there goes the trip to Labuan. If it wasn't for dad's siblings, non of us would have visited this place. It's faith that brings us there. Appreciate every single moment with family because they are the people who will be there unconditionally. 

Auf Wiedersehen

Ich Belle :)

冲上云霄 || (part1)

听着Captain Cool 唱的这版本感觉很特别，可能因为看了他演那故事所以从他歌声里感受到一种浪漫的气息，很爱，特爱，非常爱。加上他太帅了啦！
陈奕迅的版本固然好听，但相比之下或许少了些什么的。
心理作用吧，张智霖唱的这版本有让我有butterfly in stomach 的浪漫感觉。

:)

Standing there too long

It's September now. Lets pollute the eyes with some no filter pics first.

#nofilter #yoga-slide #syoksendirihashtagxdxd

Sometimes we get so upset upon what has hit on us and tend to rant it out to release the anger, frustration or maybe gaining some attentions and sympathy. In psychology, this is probably an aggressive act whereby we need to rage the feelings out ( I wish I've remembered correctly... :目  Wait, was that the on-stage or attention-seeking tendency? Damn! Where is my textbook again?).
Once calmed down, rational kicked in and realized how stupid we've reacted, we'll try to reverse the action, probably by hiding the act, if possible. Of course there will be times where we don't mind how we've acted, probably proud of it. Me myself, have always been the former one, each and every time regretting how I've reacted.

Nowadays, when social media is at such convenience, people tend to "share" all kinds of stuff around. Scrolling down FB, we sometimes will see all these 'resentments' around, and many times people who have good social network relations will then gain many attentions from their friends by liking the post or commenting (discussing?) the issue, in this case(FB) people rage it out verbally. I used to do that too, and then I realized that it isn't a good idea at all.

#yousawitright #bananananana #REGRET #syoksendirihashtagxdxd

First, I have not a good social relation, I live in my own world. So, no one will give a damn with how I feel or what I say. Well, fair enough because I probably don't give a damn with them too. I just felt it's not my business to step in. Second, no one likes to share bitterness as compared to happiness. And wanting people to shoulder my awefullness is a selfish act. SO I've learned to share joyful stuff rather than shitty things. P.O.S.I.T.I..V.E! Okay, I know sometimes I still post emo stuffs, but I just need to rage it out, LOUDLY. Third, steady-cool-calm. Just need to train myself to be more low profile.

feel like cutting my hair, but afraid i'll regret :(

Why am I writing all these nonsense today? I saw a friend who recently broke up with his girlfriend, posting many updates on FB, and then deleted some of those posts. Another friend posted things about how bad has his girlfriend has been treating him, cheating on him and stuff. It reminded me of myself and all these tendencies and acts. I feel silly to have acted that way in the past. Now, I don't react right away. Whatever it is, I'll just let myself calm down before talking, and then made myself not to regret it (well except for driving, I swear like mad. XD).

Someone, a friend, not too close but close enough, has told me not to stand at the origin for too long. I have to take on the first step to make dreams happened. If I have no faith in myself, it's ok, because he/she has faith in me, he/she believes I am capable. Really appreciate those words, very encouraging and heart warming. It's been awhile since anyone said that to me.

It's really time to move. See you in October. I have plans now. :)

Lets have some eye candy now. :D

     

 

two little silly pies, i want to hug them so so so so so muchhhhie!!!

 
Auf Wiedersehen
ich liebe dich

生病了 (Minion fever?)

如果思念是一种病，那我生病了。If missing is a form of sickness, then I am sick.

最近不知道是不是荷尔蒙失调，还是血糖过低，总是在胡思乱想的。
心里总是在怀念很多人，很想见大家。
你们还好吗？工作还可以吗？

It's August finally. Bello August~
Finally, the minion fever has ended. So my question is will smurf (coming soon to malaysia) get the heat too?
My evil brother had my mom, sis and me to queue with him for the yellow bellow toys because the girlfriend wanted. So our treat was the happy meal leftover food, both my sisters were happy enjoying the food though.

For me, I am just happy that they were all happy with the toy and the food. No food wasted ( but massive fat intake from the hhhhappy meals instead. :'((  )

Days back, I came across with an article discussing (rather condemning) obesity. I actually read the original article (*taken down and replaced with apology letter) after I went through the response article directed towards it. So I guess my opinions and thoughts were inclined towards the response article as sympathy has been fitted in beforehand.

As being fat, chubby, round, name it however you like, I myself felt that the article was indeed crushing. Those people who were born slim will never understand how a fat girl felt. I couldn't agree more with the response article. There isn't any fault in speaking out an opinion, but giving names or stereotyping is definitely not the right way (to certain extend, that was somewhat discriminating). Same thing can happened for different reasons, just like one can reach a place through various routes. Fat doesn't mean binge eating/obesity. Hope that apology was from the bottom of the heart, not because of the public responses and pressure.

this was me @ 15 y/o

me @24 y/o

I did not go few sizes down, still so big, but I'd say my body is better built now

*proud*happy*

Auf Wiedersehen

一个人生活

最近的我实在是太脆弱了
动不动就想掉眼泪
那天看韩剧哭的稀里哗啦的
还把家里的人给吓了一跳
哎，‘金甲俳谐呐’（真的不好意思）
不懂是不是因为最近吃少了的关系呢
哇咔咔×SOT了

一个人生活的日子里其实我并不习惯
或许说我从来都没有去真正体会它
从来都不会一个人吃饭旅行逛街
没有人陪情愿自己一个人呆在家里
还好现代生活已经不太需要tangible的social network
手机平板电脑笔记电脑一一把社交居家化了
不用离开家里又可以socially updated对我而言这是好事
真是秀才不出门能知天下事～
×哇哇××我很宅

我多久没拍拖逛街看戏吃饭二人世界了
每次看到街上的小情侣夫妻心里真的很羡慕
常常会回忆过去的日子
想起就发现以前的自己还真的是太天真了
说什么过去的就让它过去
但是到现在还是会内疚和伤心
有时还会想说干脆就不要感情了
找个优良品种借精生个小孩就霸了
可一个人孤单单又太可怜了啦
×好纳闷

无厘头的我竟然想出一个租借男友的的念头
想说大家就互相解解孤单愁吧
但是一见钟情日久生情的我应该到最后会伤害到对方
想想应该是行不通
所以说我如果在宅下去很有可能会孤独终老
×太可怕了！×××××

一个人真的好难过
所以下了决心×哦嘢×生活一定要改变
什么都不管了啦
自己开心就对得起列祖列宗了啦
×我要开心！！


夜了，该睡了
晚安
贝贝

×我想要改变自己改变世界～王力宏

Looking back, Moving Forward

#hashtagcrazy #noedit #slimmerface

Met with a special friend last night for dinner.
It took me a lot of courage to meet him once again after two years.
Because he is the ex boyfriend.

It felt so different compared to whom I've been with two years ago.
I barely recognized him as we proceeded during the three-hour dinner.
And that makes me feel so bad, so bad.
If I hadn't done what I did two years ago, his life would be different, mine too.

#hastagcrazy #miniontoy #mcd #peoplegoingcrazy #nolongerhappymeal

We were a happy couple back then, both of us showered happiness to each other.
But due to some reason, we couldn't make it through, rather I couldn't make it through.
And now we are two 'strangers' who shared a good memory.

Personally, I don't fancy how he has changed. I was surprised finding out.
(He probably felt exactly the same for me, but that's not my point)
I felt bad for optimism.
His change wasn't anything bad, but to me (not saying that I am high class >.< ), they were least to what I'd expected.

Mr.D told me that I have chance going back to him since he is single and now I am meeting him again.
I was afraid that I will fall for him because I am the love-at-first-sight girl.
If he impresses me badly during the dinner, I would really tackle him. ( I am confident of hitting the jackpot!)

It didn't take me long to realized what was given up is not worth looking back.

#hashtagcrazy #chocolatechipsbananamuffin #shreddedchoctopping 

Baking, baking, I love baking. Looking forward to every chance to bake.
Turning back is just to ensure every step made was better and wiser,

#hashtagcrazy #goodbookmaybe #prizewinningbook

Life goes on after each fall.

Auf Wiedersehen

BeL